On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
