Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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