I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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