i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize