if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I FOUND THE LEGS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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