we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
