Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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