thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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