he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
