why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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