Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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