Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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