why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
