woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
love makes seman taste better
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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