i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
