ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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