Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
