Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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