walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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