you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
