Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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