but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
