with your own penis?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
