Someone shit on the floor
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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