I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
