I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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