i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
