i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
