pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
one might say we're banned from that church
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
