I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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