There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
