yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
