Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The beer is more important than you right now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
