Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
