I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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