bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
