you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
