so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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