I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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