i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
