my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
