she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just high enough for therapy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
