barbara walters just said penis...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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