At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
