you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
