he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
