He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
