There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
