I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
