oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
