from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
