...so i touched it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
