3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
