last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
