Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
