You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
