she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
