If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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