What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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