THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
