he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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