It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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