he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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