i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
