guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
