Please, let me fuck your mom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
