It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
