We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize