Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
