i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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