I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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