i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't turn off my feet"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
