i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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