Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
