I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
